Funny Employment Stories

[smichal]

keep the stories coming, guys!
Nothing interesting ever happens in my cubicle dwelling job...

[EddyG]

I begged my last manager at my previous job to lay me off so I could get my unemployment, I said imagine you are Donald Trump and fire me. He was a real prick and was pressuring me to sell more and I was fed up with the prick, he did fire me and I got the unemployment

[aquadog]

I teach in a high school and when I first started there were a lot of older, on their way out teachers. When you call in sick you leave a VM for the secretary and she listens as soon as she gets there so that she can get subs for the day. One day this old, totally wacky math teacher called in sick and I was in the office when the secretary listened to her message. She had the shits and went into great detail about it. At one point she said the bowl was basically full of corn. The secretary and I were howling by the end of the message. It's been over ten years but still every time my friends and I call in sick we just leave a message saying "corn."

[stripes]

worked in a sporting goods store in college. a girl got hired one day, next day she gave her two week notice...
she didnt understand when we told her to just go.

[king october]

My first job was at a Rax Roast Beef. Long story short, one very early morning during prep, our regional manager was walked in on while fucking a roast beef in the walk in. If you've ever seen the roast beef at places like Arby's, they are basically big hunks of beef that get put on a slicer. This guy cut a hole in it and was fucking it.

Thankfully, this wasn't the store I was working at, but I remember the district manager visiting our store the next day and telling us what happened and that the guy wasn't with the company anymore.

Dude opened that store almost everyday for over a year. Imagine all the loads people ate in that time.

[Jim Lahey]

Now that I'm awake, I thought of another one. This is one of my favorites:


I dropped out of college to run a liquor store in upstate NY. Of course there were all kinds of colorful characters, and since I was stuck behind a counter I'd do a lot of "listening" as if I had a choice. (I don't know how anyone could be a bartender).

One of my "friends" was this old crusty Korean War vet kinda guy who had one of those throat button things that he had to push to talk through. He would buy his pint or his lotto or whatever then tell me a couple of "funny" racial jokes, really really brutal ones. Which were of course amplified by the fact that he was telling them through a throat button.

"Wheeezzzzzzzze...how do ya stop a bunch of niggers from rapin a white lady? you cut off their peckers and run em wheeeeeeeeeeeze thru a meat grinder heh heh heh you like dat one?" "Wheeeeeeeeeeeehheee....you like Martin Luther Coon Day? Lets shoot four more and heeeeeeeeeeep take of a whole week heh heh heh (uncontrollable coughing)"

I'm very liberal but I figured the customer was always right, and besides, have you ever looked at the members of a Klan rally or a Tea Party? Not exactly the best and the brightest. In some ways they are suffering their own punishment just by living.

One day he's telling me some more zingers and right in the middle of one the door opens and this pretty 30ish black woman walks into the store. I started freaking out and had visions of a hate crime happening right in front of me with blood and Nazi salutes and broken bottles everywhere. I'm about halfway over the counter getting ready to commit a flagrant personal foul on this old fuck when I hear the lady say

"Oh George, stop wasting this young man's time with your silly jokes. You promised to take the kids out for ice cream" and all of a sudden he gets all sheepish and grabs his bottle and slinks out of the store after her. I look out the window and it's like a reverse Joy and Darnell with two little biracial kids climbing all over him and telling him about Little League and ice cream and D'fwan won't stay on his side, etc.

[itpdude]

Now that I'm awake, I thought of another one. This is one of my favorites:


I dropped out of college to run a liquor store in upstate NY. Of course there were all kinds of colorful characters, and since I was stuck behind a counter I'd do a lot of "listening" as if I had a choice. (I don't know how anyone could be a bartender).

One of my "friends" was this old crusty Korean War vet kinda guy who had one of those throat button things that he had to push to talk through. He would buy his pint or his lotto or whatever then tell me a couple of "funny" racial jokes, really really brutal ones. Which were of course amplified by the fact that he was telling them through a throat button.

"Wheeezzzzzzzze...how do ya stop a bunch of niggers from rapin a white lady? you cut off their peckers and run em wheeeeeeeeeeeze thru a meat grinder heh heh heh you like dat one?" "Wheeeeeeeeeeeehheee....you like Martin Luther Coon Day? Lets shoot four more and heeeeeeeeeeep take of a whole week heh heh heh (uncontrollable coughing)"

I'm very liberal but I figured the customer was always right, and besides, have you ever looked at the members of a Klan rally or a Tea Party? Not exactly the best and the brightest. In some ways they are suffering their own punishment just by living.

One day he's telling me some more zingers and right in the middle of one the door opens and this pretty 30ish black woman walks into the store. I started freaking out and had visions of a hate crime happening right in front of me with blood and Nazi salutes and broken bottles everywhere. I'm about halfway over the counter getting ready to commit a flagrant personal foul on this old fuck when I hear the lady say

"Oh George, stop wasting this young man's time with your silly jokes. You promised to take the kids out for ice cream" and all of a sudden he gets all sheepish and grabs his bottle and slinks out of the store after her. I look out the window and it's like a reverse Joy and Darnell with two little biracial kids climbing all over him and telling him about Little League and ice cream and D'fwan won't stay on his side, etc.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Seen something similar, not in a work situation but in my neighborhood. This white guy who looked like an extra from a Civil War movie, big gray beard, flowing hair, etc, was married to this dark-as-pitch black woman who was all hood. Bizarre. And they actually liked one another.

He'd crack black jokes that weren't even funny. They were just vicious like the guy you described above. Weird.

I never told him one because it was a real catch-22. I mean, blacks can tell jokes about blacks and not get in trouble, can say "nigger" all they want and it seemed that this good ole boy had gotten some kind of permission from the blacks to crack jokes at their expense. He told the jokes in front of them. He wasn't "ghetto" at all. He was just a good ole boy married to a poor black woman.