Howard stern vs reality

**Beth143nacho** · 03-02-2013, 05:16 AM

I think it's time to start documenting events from both the perspective of Howard (and staff) while also contrasting them with ... Well... Reality.

We start with his wife:

Howards version: wife is a beautiful supermodel that loves him, and thoroughly enjoys their together time with no desire to have children or a career, yet is adored by all of Howard's 23 million fans.

Reality:
This woman is an annoying cunt that used to turn tricks in the middle east after her career as a d-rated catalog mannequin didn't exactly pan out. Her vain efforts at fame meet with trainwreck after trainwreck as Howard's ever-expanding disconnect with average people makes the absurdity of his life take center stage in front of the three audience members not chased away to better entertainment after Howard and Mel schemed to steal a billion dollars.

**Beth143nacho** · 03-02-2013, 05:20 AM

Howard's version: Howard is shown leaving the Sirius building to trumpeting applause, then braving the late afternoon traffic to be driven to jersey (stopping to thank a police officer on the way) only to arrive just in time to put in his best effort to deliver yet bother great agt show! He does this every day, 5 days per week for 52 weeks a year

Reality: Sirius realizes that Howard is ripping them off, so makes him work one day while he films agt. He hires a camera crew to document what average people call a normal work day, stages a scene with a cop and never works both jobs on the same day again.

**sloth22** · 03-02-2013, 05:49 AM

I was listening to some old Sirius shows so i'll contribute this :

Howard's version : 'The Bitter Half' is great comedy, Sam Simon's finest work, and a fulfillment of Howard's promise to have amazing original content. The cast are all Oscar caliber and it's funnier than anything you'll ever hear.

Reality : 'The Bitter half' is a bad skit Sam Simon wrote on the toilet and slapped together over a couple afternoons. Howard is a worse actor than Shaq.

**tired** · 03-02-2013, 06:27 AM

My wife would still be with me and love me if I was poor or not in show business.

Reality, she wouldn't even shake his hand if he wasn't rich and famous!

**Beth Eats Hay** · 03-02-2013, 07:03 AM

I don't believe there's enough room on the entire Internet for this topic.

If we proceed, there's a good chance we'll be slowing down the world's ability to use the web...... Not sure what to do...

**Teeney** · 03-02-2013, 11:05 AM

Howard on Agt
"Howard Stern’s towering presence and opinions on last season’s show as a new judge made a dramatic impact and added a sharper edge to the fascinating developments on stage," blurbs NBC Alternative and Late Night President Paul Telegdy. "We know that Howard believes in ‘America’s Got Talent’ -- which remains America’s top-rated summer series -- and that dedication comes across in a genuine way to our viewers who share his passion about our amazing talent competition."

Reality

**HowieStearn** · 03-02-2013, 11:10 AM

Wiggy's version: the show's funny
Reality: it's not

**IlluminatiJones** · 03-02-2013, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by tired

My wife would still be with me and love me if I was poor or not in show business.

Reality, she wouldn't even shake his hand if he wasn't rich and famous!

I loved it when Sal asked Beth if she thought Joey Ramone was hot. She thought long and hard for a second or two then said "yes".

Then, when that dude who looks EXACTLY like Howard came in, Beth put on this completely cunty-puss and said that he didn't look anything like Howard.

$o yeah, I think we can deduce her true feeling$ toward$ Howard and where they $tem from.

**Willowglen** · 03-02-2013, 11:30 AM

Howard's version (From the State of The Station): "With an audience 23 million subscribers Howard reaches the decision makers"

Reality: 12 million of them are XM only subscribers who don't even have access to Howard's show and anther 10.5 million that do have access and just don't care or listen to him.

Howard's version: I'm never made another movie or a sequel was because I could never find anything as good or successful as Private Parts

Reality: Private Parts was a massive disappointment at the box office and no one was willing to throw good money after bad for a sequel let alone ruin any other project with his sad attempt at what he refers to as "acting".

**crazypreacher** · 03-02-2013, 12:33 PM

To be fair PP probably cost 27¢ and a bag of chips to shoot.

Originally Posted by Willowglen

Howard's version (From the State of The Station): "With an audience 23 million subscribers Howard reaches the decision makers"

Reality: 12 million of them are XM only subscribers who don't even have access to Howard's show and anther 10.5 million that do have access and just don't care or listen to him.

Howard's version: I'm never made another movie or a sequel was because I could never find anything as good or successful as Private Parts

Reality: Private Parts was a massive disappointment at the box office and no one was willing to throw good money after bad for a sequel let alone ruin any other project with his sad attempt at what he refers to as "acting".

**Stinkfist** · 03-02-2013, 12:46 PM

Howard: I am America's Judge. Everybody tunes in to hear what I think on AGT. My friends all think I look really young. I have a full head of thick hair, Robin.

Reality: The branding campaign is not working. Nobody cares about AGT, nobody. Howard is withering up and concealing his neck with scarves, his head with a hair helmet, his lanky frame with leather coats - all through out summer.

**Stinkfist** · 03-02-2013, 12:48 PM

Howard: I am not litigious. I am only suing Sirius - because they are in the wrong.

Reality: Go fuck yourself, Howie.

**Stinkfist** · 03-02-2013, 01:52 PM

Fred: I had to have a squirt.
Howard: I hate when you say that, Fred. Just say it like a normal man. So annoying.

Reality:
Howard: I'm gonna take a pish.
Fred: ....