Now is the time (sort of, but I've never been one for punctuality) for new years resolutions. A little twist: these resolutions are in response to someone first having one something and a promise to perform them every time. They take the form of:

Every time _____a_____, I promise to _____b_______

Where

A: someone doing something
B: your pledged respnse

Here is mine:

1. A: Beth tweets a photo of herself, b: kick the animal closest to me when I find out about the tweet

2. A: Howard goes a day without lying, b: suck a cock

3. A; Malones efforts to clean up the show result in Howard getting irritated, b: yell "zoo za zoo" at the top of my lungs wherever I am when I first heard about it