The Official Howard Stern Show Monologue Thread!

[Chimney Portions]

It doesn't matter if you're funny or not, because the HSS never is!

Write your own monologue jokes regarding current events. I'd bet every penny I have that most of you are funnier than Howard, no matter how hacky you intend to be! I'll start!


The body of an American woman, Sarai Sierra, was found in Turkey yesterday. And in a related note, Robin, twelve turkeys were found in the body of Chris Christie.

And speaking of Turkey, a terrorist blew himself in from of the American embassy over there. Wow, they finally figured out how to make dynamite. Next month maybe they’ll figure out how to make deodorant.

And in Pennsylvania, Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see its own shadow and that means we’ll have an early Spring. Meanwhile in New Jersey, Snooki saw her reflection…and her mirror cracked.

And our old friend, Ed Koch, passed away. He was a one of a kind, that guy. A gay, liberal Jew who was elected mayor of New York. We’ll never see that again, Robin!

[Batwings]

Anything else, Robin?

[Patron]

Artie Lange was in the news again this week...He got Ray Lewis to admit that everyone should be allowed at least one transgression involving a knife...Artie agreed

[Bye You!]

It doesn't matter if you're funny or not, because the HSS never is!

Write your own monologue jokes regarding current events. I'd bet every penny I have that most of you are funnier than Howard, no matter how hacky you intend to be! I'll start!


The body of an American woman, Sarai Sierra, was found in Turkey yesterday. And in a related note, Robin, twelve turkeys were found in the body of Chris Christie.

And speaking of Turkey, a terrorist blew himself in from of the American embassy over there. Wow, they finally figured out how to make dynamite. Next month maybe they’ll figure out how to make deodorant.

And in Pennsylvania, Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see its own shadow and that means we’ll have an early Spring. Meanwhile in New Jersey, Snooki saw her reflection…and her mirror cracked.

And our old friend, Ed Koch, passed away. He was a one of a kind, that guy. A gay, liberal Jew who was elected mayor of New York. We’ll never see that again, Robin!

You have them nailed so perfectly!

[Beth143nacho]

holy shit im glad I stopped listening

[ilovebacon]

Those are funny, but the news is too fresh. His 'jokes' are usually about news stories that are at least a week old...

comedy takes time

[Mr Fantastic]

Robin, did you hear about this? Did I tell you about the the ah the guy ah, you're not gonna believe this. Gary where did you put that oh here it is. You know Sherry's Berries make the most amazing...


I haven't listened in a few years, but assume this still happens daily, uh 2-3 times a week.

[You Knew!]

Those are funny, but the news is too fresh. His 'jokes' are usually about news stories that are at least a week old...

comedy takes time

You're right. It's a slow build.

[peterfonda]

You're right. It's a slow build.

Comedy needs to evolve.