Which staffer would you fear using your bathroom the most?

[UncaDollas]

They're mothers didn't teach them proper bathroom manners.

[Lou Skunt]

I wouldn't let either one onto my property, much less use my bathroom. But to play along, I guess Ronnie can use the bathroom. The water pig can shit in the bushes with the raccoons.

[smichal]

I think Ronnie must have lots of VD

[Ruffypup]

None. I'm a freaking guy,

[Farticulator]

Well...at least neither drop "upper deckers".

[Vashier]

Ronnie ain't gonna be taking a shower at my place so he'll have no reason to make ball fondue in my bathroom sink. Tim on the other hand has the manners of a fucking rhinoceros.

[tHISisKiSSeL]

i chose tim. with tim the shit could be anywhere and everywhere. with ronnie there's at least a finite area that i would need to sanitize.

[Robert Higgins]

If I let Ronnie use my bathroom would he bring his teenaged whore girlfriend with him?

[Vashier]

I gotta repost this in this thread. I still can't get over these rules for pooping and peeing in the Islamic world:

Islamic Toilet Etiquette

Question: What are the rules and manners to be followed when answering the call of nature? ANSWER 1. When entering the toilet, one should say the A'udhu (isti'adha) andBasmala and then recite the prayer "Allahumma innee a'oodhu bika minal khubthi wal khabaa-ith." 2. When entering the toilet, one should not have in one's hand anything on which the name of Allahu ta'ala or any verse of the Qur'an al-karim is written. There is no objection if it is in one's pocket or covered with something. Similarly, when stepping into the toilet, one should not be wearing a pendant with the name of Allah on it. If one has, one should tuck it inside the neck of one's sweater before entering it. 3. It is permissible to enter the toilet with an amulet if it is covered properly. 4. One should enter the toilet with one's left foot and exit with one's right foot. 5. One should recite the prayer "Alhamdu-lil-laa-hil-la-dhi adh-haba 'a-nil a-dhaa wa 'a-faa-ni" when exiting the toilet. 6. One should not talk or sit for a long time or read anything like a newspaper or sing a song or smoke or chew gum in the toilet. 7. After cleaning one's private parts, one should cover them immediately. 8. One should neither face the Qibla nor turn one's back toward it while urinating or defecating. 9. One should remove the feces on one's anus with one's finger and wash one's hand. If there are still traces of filth, one should wash them with water. 10. When cleaning the private parts after answering the call of nature, men should wash them from the back to the front. Women should wash them from the front to the back. Thus, the genitals will not be smeared with filth, nor will it cause one to be sexually aroused by the stimulation of fingers. 11. One should dry one's private parts with a cloth after washing them. If there is not a cloth available, it is permissible to use toilet paper because toilet paper is produced to be used after answering the call of nature. But using other kinds of paper for this purpose is not permissible. 12. One should sprinkle some water over one's underpants after cleaning one's private parts. By doing so, when one notices wetness on one's underpants, one will not feel doubt as to whether it is urine or not. One should assume it to be the sprinkled water and should not fall into baseless misgivings (waswasa). 13. After cleaning their private parts, men should do istibra. Women do not do it. Istibra means not to leave any drops of urine in the urethra. It is done by walking or coughing or lying on the left side. 14. If a man exits the toilet without doing istibra, drops of urine may come out and soil his underwear. Therefore, he should insert a cotton wick as big as a barley seed into his urinary hole, whereby he will prevent urine from oozing out. 15. Istinka means a feeling of being sure and having no doubts that there are no drops of urine left, and one's heart is at ease about it. A man can make wudu' after this certitude in his heart. 16. One should not look at one's private parts or spit into the toilet. 17. One should not urinate while standing unless there is strong necessity for doing so and should not let drops of urine splash onto one's clothes. To that end, one should keep separate pajamas or tracksuit. It is mustahab to enter the toilet with separate pajamas and with the head covered. 18. One should wash one's hands after using the toilet. 19. One must not urinate into any water, on a wall of a mosque, in a cemetery, or on a road. 20. Cleaning the private parts with stones and similar materials is an acceptable substitute for cleaning them with water. Question: Is it better to have separate clothes to wear in the toilet? ANSWER Yes, it is better. Wearing separate clothes for the toilet and staying there with your head covered is mustahab. (Se'âdet-i Ebediyye) Question: I think that a western-style flush toilet is more comfortable to use. Is it permissible to use a western-style toilet instead of a squat one? ANSWER If one, when using a sit-down toilet, can clean one's private parts comfortably and spray from one's urine does not come back on one's clothes, there is nothing wrong with using it. However, using a squat toilet has many health benefits: 1. Cleaning filth is easier. 2. Spray from urine is less likely to come back on one's body and clothes. 3. As one's colon is emptied completely, the urinary bladder and bowels relax. 4. When one is in the squatting position, fecal matter does not remain in the tube along which it moves and is expelled from the body. Western physicians who studied why urinary tract- and colon-related diseases were uncommon among Muslims found that it was because Muslims did not use sit-down toilets. Urinary system disorders, especially prostate problems, are very distressing things, which have a negative effect on the happiness of a family. Men must not urinate while standing, and Muslims should choose (between squatting and sitting) the best one for health. Question: Is it mustahab for both men and women to enter the toilet by covering their heads? Can a woman enter the toilet by covering her head with an underscarf (hijab accessory) instead of a headscarf? ANSWER Yes, it is mustahab to enter the toilet with a covered head. A woman's wearing an underscarf suffices for this purpose. Question: What is the sunnat method of squatting in the toilet? Should one put both hands or one hand one one's cheek? ANSWER The right hand is placed on the right cheek and the left hand is placed on the left one. This is the sunnat method. When there is the need to use a hand, the right hand should remain on the right cheek and the left hand should be used. This is the proper way.

I guess ol' Rhino Sabean isn't so bad after all

[smichal]

gosh those rules sure are complicated. I strongly object to #9. YIKES

[ilovebacon]

The correct answer is Jason

[MissKitty]

Tim for obvious reasons. He has a history.

[quitefrankly]

I gotta repost this in this thread. I still can't get over these rules for pooping and peeing in the Islamic world:

Islamic Toilet Etiquette

Question: What are the rules and manners to be followed when answering the call of nature? ANSWER 1. When entering the toilet, one should say the A'udhu (isti'adha) andBasmala and then recite the prayer "Allahumma innee a'oodhu bika minal khubthi wal khabaa-ith." 2. When entering the toilet, one should not have in one's hand anything on which the name of Allahu ta'ala or any verse of the Qur'an al-karim is written. There is no objection if it is in one's pocket or covered with something. Similarly, when stepping into the toilet, one should not be wearing a pendant with the name of Allah on it. If one has, one should tuck it inside the neck of one's sweater before entering it. 3. It is permissible to enter the toilet with an amulet if it is covered properly. 4. One should enter the toilet with one's left foot and exit with one's right foot. 5. One should recite the prayer "Alhamdu-lil-laa-hil-la-dhi adh-haba 'a-nil a-dhaa wa 'a-faa-ni" when exiting the toilet. 6. One should not talk or sit for a long time or read anything like a newspaper or sing a song or smoke or chew gum in the toilet. 7. After cleaning one's private parts, one should cover them immediately. 8. One should neither face the Qibla nor turn one's back toward it while urinating or defecating. 9. One should remove the feces on one's anus with one's finger and wash one's hand. If there are still traces of filth, one should wash them with water. 10. When cleaning the private parts after answering the call of nature, men should wash them from the back to the front. Women should wash them from the front to the back. Thus, the genitals will not be smeared with filth, nor will it cause one to be sexually aroused by the stimulation of fingers. 11. One should dry one's private parts with a cloth after washing them. If there is not a cloth available, it is permissible to use toilet paper because toilet paper is produced to be used after answering the call of nature. But using other kinds of paper for this purpose is not permissible. 12. One should sprinkle some water over one's underpants after cleaning one's private parts. By doing so, when one notices wetness on one's underpants, one will not feel doubt as to whether it is urine or not. One should assume it to be the sprinkled water and should not fall into baseless misgivings (waswasa). 13. After cleaning their private parts, men should do istibra. Women do not do it. Istibra means not to leave any drops of urine in the urethra. It is done by walking or coughing or lying on the left side. 14. If a man exits the toilet without doing istibra, drops of urine may come out and soil his underwear. Therefore, he should insert a cotton wick as big as a barley seed into his urinary hole, whereby he will prevent urine from oozing out. 15. Istinka means a feeling of being sure and having no doubts that there are no drops of urine left, and one's heart is at ease about it. A man can make wudu' after this certitude in his heart. 16. One should not look at one's private parts or spit into the toilet. 17. One should not urinate while standing unless there is strong necessity for doing so and should not let drops of urine splash onto one's clothes. To that end, one should keep separate pajamas or tracksuit. It is mustahab to enter the toilet with separate pajamas and with the head covered. 18. One should wash one's hands after using the toilet. 19. One must not urinate into any water, on a wall of a mosque, in a cemetery, or on a road. 20. Cleaning the private parts with stones and similar materials is an acceptable substitute for cleaning them with water. Question: Is it better to have separate clothes to wear in the toilet? ANSWER Yes, it is better. Wearing separate clothes for the toilet and staying there with your head covered is mustahab. (Se'âdet-i Ebediyye) Question: I think that a western-style flush toilet is more comfortable to use. Is it permissible to use a western-style toilet instead of a squat one? ANSWER If one, when using a sit-down toilet, can clean one's private parts comfortably and spray from one's urine does not come back on one's clothes, there is nothing wrong with using it. However, using a squat toilet has many health benefits: 1. Cleaning filth is easier. 2. Spray from urine is less likely to come back on one's body and clothes. 3. As one's colon is emptied completely, the urinary bladder and bowels relax. 4. When one is in the squatting position, fecal matter does not remain in the tube along which it moves and is expelled from the body. Western physicians who studied why urinary tract- and colon-related diseases were uncommon among Muslims found that it was because Muslims did not use sit-down toilets. Urinary system disorders, especially prostate problems, are very distressing things, which have a negative effect on the happiness of a family. Men must not urinate while standing, and Muslims should choose (between squatting and sitting) the best one for health. Question: Is it mustahab for both men and women to enter the toilet by covering their heads? Can a woman enter the toilet by covering her head with an underscarf (hijab accessory) instead of a headscarf? ANSWER Yes, it is mustahab to enter the toilet with a covered head. A woman's wearing an underscarf suffices for this purpose. Question: What is the sunnat method of squatting in the toilet? Should one put both hands or one hand one one's cheek? ANSWER The right hand is placed on the right cheek and the left hand is placed on the left one. This is the sunnat method. When there is the need to use a hand, the right hand should remain on the right cheek and the left hand should be used. This is the proper way.

I guess ol' Rhino Sabean isn't so bad after all

vash knows his shit

[Anfkid]

why isn't jason on that list?

[Vashier]

vash knows his shit

I'm still chuckling over those rules. The sprinkling of water on your pants is too fucking funny.

[Snotty]

I'm painting the word Allah on the bottom of my toilet............

[tHISisKiSSeL]

I'm painting the word Allah on the bottom of my toilet............

if i had a dog i might carve it into a shit log with a stick.

[joyceface]

Why such a limited list? Of course sabean is the obvious first pick, but the thought of Sal slithering around the bathroom is horrific too.

[Teeney]

Well while not a staff member, I would be most concerned about Beth. Accordingly to Howard she hasn't shit for years. I would think the one time she is about to blow it would be quite the explosion. You might want to stock up on those baby wipes.

[Johnny B]

Tim is apparantly a one-time deal.

Ronnie could and probably is a multiple time offender.

Anyway. I don't like to poop where others poop. My toliet, my poop.