Howard's List of People Who "Wanted" Beth and/or Were Jealous Over Her....

**Famous** · 01-03-2013, 09:36 AM

*The high school principal who personally came to visit her at her house.

*The newsstand guy who gives her magazines and newspapers for free.

*Howard's entire staff, who he tries to urge to "admit" to masturbating to her.

*The hotel worker who was showing her gym equipment simply because he was "into her."

*The dude who jerked off on the train to her.

*The doctor who molested her (he says this during the Maria Menounos interview).

*Larry King, because it's not like he's used to being around beautiful women all of the time, or anything.

*Jackie Martling, because he said "say hello to your beautiful girlfriend!" (Howard actually said that this means that he's jealous.)

*Richard Johnson, because he correctly wrote about Howard saying that he had apprehensions about marriage. "I saw him looking at us at an event once. A lot of guys are jealous, and think that it's them who should be with Beth."

*All of his fans who ever have anything negative to say.

*Ralph, for telling him it would be a mistake to get married.

*Gwen Stefani.

*Male masseuses, which is why he won't let her around them. And oh yeah, women too. One even tried to molest Beth!

Who am I missing?

EDITED TO ADD (thanks to the people who posted them):

*The pilot on whose lap she sat while he flew the plane.

*I'm sure the doorman's disrespect was masking a raging semi for Beth.

*I think "Howard sends Clooney the snow-bikini pic of Beth" = "Clooney wants Beth" in Howard's mind.

*Howard said that Mark Wahlberg was flirting with her. I believe Mark was flabbergasted by that observation/accusation/whatever the fuck it was.

*I recall Matt Dillon wanting her as she walked down the street in NYC.

*Pete Townshend wanted Beth until Howard showed up on the scene, allegedly.

*The Ugly Meter app for scoring the all time highest score out of anybody in the entire world.

*According to plugggy Playboy magazine has asked beff multiple times to pose for the centerfold. So by proxy, Hef has wanted her for 10-15 years...

**Famous** · 01-03-2013, 09:42 AM

Want to give credit to itpdude for reminding me of this. This whole post was spot on, but the bolded line really stands out:

Originally Posted by itpdude

Speculation here but Howard may think goy girls like Beth are the epitome of perfection. In a way, the woman he chose, is everything a self-hating Jew would choose. Blonde, sig-heil eyes, still a Catholic (she continues to wear a cross around her neck in a very public fashion), doesn't smell, doesn't shit, doesn't get heart-broken, constantly the focus of male fantasy, etc.

Beth is Disney World to Howard. Pure fantasy. No problems. No worries. Only rainbows and unicorns. Plastic.

Beth plays along. She makes The Pelican think she's all about him and says so in interviews. It's like watching an abused-wife who is scared she'll get hit if she says the wrong thing except in this case, if she says the wrong thing, her black AmEx will get cut. She's playing little girl for now, biding her time. She knew what she wanted. If it weren't Howard, it would be some other rich fellow who could create some opportunities in the media varying from appearances to her own show. And provide a luxurious life. No worries about bills, no cutting back on the heat or AC to save a few bucks, no shopping for specials, no coupon-clipping.

It all sounds very cynical but Beth was willing to trade in order to get this life. I don't blame her in a way and women can more easily accommodate such things; act like a pet.

It sounds like a nightmare to me. She has to get up and put makeup on in the morning, can't shit where Howard's beak may catch a whiff, etc. But she gets a lot of bennies for that trade.

**AmishGirl** · 01-03-2013, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by Famous

Want to give credit to itpdude for reminding me of this. This whole post was spot on, but the bolded line really stands out:

Originally Posted by itpdude

Speculation here but Howard may think goy girls like Beth are the epitome of perfection. In a way, the woman he chose, is everything a self-hating Jew would choose. Blonde, sig-heil eyes, still a Catholic (she continues to wear a cross around her neck in a very public fashion), doesn't smell, doesn't shit, doesn't get heart-broken, constantly the focus of male fantasy, etc.

Beth is Disney World to Howard. Pure fantasy. No problems. No worries. Only rainbows and unicorns. Plastic.

Beth plays along. She makes The Pelican think she's all about him and says so in interviews. It's like watching an abused-wife who is scared she'll get hit if she says the wrong thing except in this case, if she says the wrong thing, her black AmEx will get cut. She's playing little girl for now, biding her time. She knew what she wanted. If it weren't Howard, it would be some other rich fellow who could create some opportunities in the media varying from appearances to her own show. And provide a luxurious life. No worries about bills, no cutting back on the heat or AC to save a few bucks, no shopping for specials, no coupon-clipping.

It all sounds very cynical but Beth was willing to trade in order to get this life. I don't blame her in a way and women can more easily accommodate such things; act like a pet.

It sounds like a nightmare to me. She has to get up and put makeup on in the morning, can't shit where Howard's beak may catch a whiff, etc. But she gets a lot of bennies for that trade.

itpdude is v. insightful.

**Bye You!** · 01-03-2013, 09:44 AM

the pilot on whose lap she sat while he flew the plane

**IlluminatiJones** · 01-03-2013, 09:44 AM

I'm sure the doorman's disrespect was masking a raging semi for Beth.

I think "Howard sends Clooney the snow-bikini pic of Beth" = "Clooney wants Beth" in Howard's mind.

Kimmel, because why else would he let Beth stay at his house?

Howard said that Mark Wahlberg was flirting with her. I believe Mark was flabbergasted by that observation/accusation/whatever the fuck it was.

**SouthernListen** · 01-03-2013, 09:45 AM

Busch Gardens

**Famous** · 01-03-2013, 09:49 AM

And it was Beth who mentioned how super cut Mark Wahlberg's body was. My guess is that she was flirting with him, and he just entertained her.

Wasn't he with an actual supermodel that night (who would later become his wife)?

**Bye You!** · 01-03-2013, 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by Famous

And it was Beth who mentioned how super cut Mark Wahlberg's body was. My guess is that she was flirting with him, and he just entertained her.

Wasn't he with an actual supermodel that night (who would later become his wife)?

If I were a guy, and looked like Mark Wahlberg, I would be fucking with Beth all night long, knowing I was what she wants, but has to go home with the sunken-chest pelican. And she's a total idiot. The entertainment possibilities are endless.

**Famous** · 01-03-2013, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by Bye You!

If I were a guy, and looked like Mark Wahlberg, I would be fucking with Beth all night long, knowing I was what she wants, but has to go home with the sunken-chest pelican. And she's a total idiot. The entertainment possibilities are endless.

Yeah, actually, I wonder how Howard feels in situations like this. He always says that someone like Adam Levine is the perfect guy. Rich, good-looking, and has a great career. Mark Wahlberg would obviously fall into this category as well. So how does Howard feel, knowing that that type of guy is what Beth really wants?

He has said that if they break up, he knows that she's gonna be out on a red carpet somewhere with "George Clooney or something." (His exact words.) How annoying must it be to know that he introduced her into this kind of life and circle, and now she'll reap the benefits from it if they ever broke up? That's another reason why I suspect that it'd be hard for him to ever divorce her.

**Famous** · 01-03-2013, 09:48 AM

Adding those. This list is gonna get absurdly long, I suspect.

I think you're exactly right about Clooney, IJ. I've thought that.

I forgot about the pilot thing, as well as Howard saying that Beth speaks "fluent" French and German. Ha! I always thought you guys were kidding about that. I didn't know that he literally said that. "But she gets embarrassed about it." I'll bet.

**Bye You!** · 01-03-2013, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by Famous

Adding those. This list is gonna get absurdly long, I suspect.

I think you're exactly right about Clooney, IJ. I've thought that.

I forgot about the pilot thing, as well as Howard saying that Beth speaks "fluent" French and German. Ha! I always thought you guys were kidding about that. I didn't know that he literally said that. "But she gets embarrassed about it." I'll bet.

"hundert mark" is probably all she knows in German.

**wigtropolis** · 01-03-2013, 10:00 AM

The whole New York knicks basketball squad. especially carmelo

**Bye You!** · 01-03-2013, 10:01 AM

Emily Stern

**Quite Frankly** · 01-03-2013, 10:08 AM

As a happy cuckold, Howie stores all these guys/scenarios in his spank bank as an alternative to babysitter porn nights.

**Winst** · 01-03-2013, 10:25 AM

Two words..........DONALD TRUMP.

...but then again....how much can someone still be wanting of something/someone that they "may" have
already had/been with and "got rid of" etc.

When the right people start asking the right type of questions....................

......

**EddyG** · 01-03-2013, 10:31 AM

Its kind of relevant that he thought she would fall for Pat Moynihan for trains good looks

**Kool** · 01-03-2013, 10:37 AM

don't forget the homeless guy that spit in her face

**InstigatinMofo** · 01-03-2013, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by Kool

don't forget the homeless guy that spit in her face

that was an angel

**Greekfreak** · 01-03-2013, 07:43 PM

The truth is, she's not ugly, she's simply annoying as fuck. We've chosen every awkward photo of her (which at least led to a legendary photoshop page--what brilliance!!!) to goof on, but most of us would bang her in a NY second if we had the chance. I wouldn't, I've never cared for blondes.

But would we go off and brag about her as the be-all and end-all of human evolution the way Wiggy does? Absolutely not. The way he and the staff constantly kissed her ass was nauseating--and floating the idea that she was some supermodel (as if that's something to be so proud of--rich bitches with no brains) when in fact she was some catalogue model at best, and a Saudi pincushion at worst.

I never forget the story Wiggy told on the air about "Listen, I knew this guy... married to a great woman, they've got kids, she's gorgeous. Another guy says to me; 'Listen, between you and me, she's an ex-hooker. They buried her past'." I've always thought that was either Beffoe or Melissa Zapin (or both).

**ApeFace** · 01-04-2013, 05:33 AM

Originally Posted by Greekfreak

The truth is, she's not ugly, she's simply annoying as fuck. We've chosen every awkward photo of her (which at least led to a legendary photoshop page--what brilliance!!!) to goof on, but most of us would bang her in a NY second if we had the chance. I wouldn't, I've never cared for blondes.

But would we go off and brag about her as the be-all and end-all of human evolution the way Wiggy does? Absolutely not. The way he and the staff constantly kissed her ass was nauseating--and floating the idea that she was some supermodel (as if that's something to be so proud of--rich bitches with no brains) when in fact she was some catalogue model at best, and a Saudi pincushion at worst.

I never forget the story Wiggy told on the air about "Listen, I knew this guy... married to a great woman, they've got kids, she's gorgeous. Another guy says to me; 'Listen, between you and me, she's an ex-hooker. They buried her past'." I've always thought that was either Beffoe or Melissa Zapin (or both).

"Saudi pincushion". Fucking A that made me laugh.