What Could Howard Stern Do To Make The Show Better And Get You To Listen Again?

[dexterdog]

I know a lot of listeners and fans post on here about how bad the show has become and how they no longer tune in any more. I know, I feel your pain because I am one of them. I no longer feel compelled to tune in on a daily basis, and I know I'm not really missing anything if I don't.
The recycled bits, the lack of on-air energy and the seemingly zero effort to put out a listenable product comes across as lazy radio, plain and simple.
I'm not going to go on a rant, because at this point it's all been said before. Yes the show stinks. It's a fact. So I am going to make a few suggestions which from my perspective would begin to improve the show immediately. In no particular order they are:

1. Better guests. Yeah I know that is not necessarily up to Howard and the staff, but at this point I'd rather listen to dead air than one more go-round with Joan Rivers or Sandra Bernhard. And while I'm on the topic of guests, I REALLY wish Howard would do a better job of interviewing the ones he has. Howard, let the guest answer, don't rush one question after another like you need to psychoanalyze. Don't be "Howard Stern" for a change. If you've matured and evolved, it's okay to drop the obligatory how-big-is-your-dick-how-much-are-you-worth-how-often-you-get-laid questions. Because we all know no one is ever going to give you an honest answer anyway.

2. Get Fred more involved. Is it just me, or has he disappeared from the air in recent years? It's like the dude has gotten as lazy as his boss. It's almost as if the only reason he's there is to tell Howard which commercial to do next. If I hear him go "I-I-I-I-I-I-Identity Guarrrrrrrd" one more time I'm going to go mental. Where are the timely sound effects? Where's Kurt Waldheim Jr?? Fred, why are you treading water???

3. Having someone sit in "The Artie Chair" more often. Okay, this too has been beaten to death, but just Howard babbling back and forth with Robin all morning is simply not cutting it. They don't need a third person full time necessarily, but something HAS to be done to break up the monotony. And as much as I love George Takei, he has grown as stale and predictable as the rest of the show already.

4. Take calls from the listeners more often. Of course this will never happen, but I am sure you all remember the days when Howard would take a call and get into an arguement with a caller which would go on for half an hour. But for whatever reason, these days Howard needs to insulate himself from the audience, and all we get is safe and santized calls from the same people ad nauseum. When he goes to the phone I immediately think, why bother? It's not going to go anywhere.

5. Get some decent writers. Howard desperately needs some capable people with a modicum of comedic talent to put some words in his mouth. I have absolutely NO clue as to why Benjy is a "writer" for the show. He adds nothing and when he gets some actual airtime, it's like change the channel time. He has zero personality, his "shtick" is utterly tedious and he is simply not funny.

6. Howard, please. No more impressions of Ted Kennedy, your parents, or bullshit stories about growing up white with black kids. It's boring, lame and spectacularly unfunny. And while you're at it, you can stop enthralling us with your supposed masturbation sessions with a box of Kleenex and babysitter porn. I for one think it's a pile of bullshit you make up on the spot, and if somehow it is true, the image of a scrawny disheveled 58 year old Jewish man thus engaged makes me want to gag.

7. And the most hopeless item on my list. Less AGT talk.

These are just a few things off the top of my head which would make the show better immediately and get me to listen more often and certainly with more enthusiasm. Feel free to add your own.

[racerx]

you can list 1000 things and none of them matter.
the only think that would matter is howard wanting to do great radio. he didn't forget how, he just doesn't care. IMO

[dexterdog]

you can list 1000 things and none of them matter.
the only think that would matter is howard wanting to do great radio. he didn't forget how, he just doesn't care. IMO

You're probably right.

[Kamie]

you can list 1000 things and none of them matter.
the only think that would matter is howard wanting to do great radio. he didn't forget how, he just doesn't care. IMO

Yes. Anything other than him wanting to do great radio is the tail wagging the dog. He just doesn't give a shit.

[jyanks]

If Beth had an affair & it became known in all the gossip mags, TMZ, etc. And if this caused a messy public divorce. Then I would start listening again.

[boomer1976]

That 3rd voice is a must. The 2 old people rambling on and on are not funny. Howard don't give a shit and he's surrounded by people who lick his ass all day so it is what it is.

[BethsCunt]

He hates his fans and is fucking sirius over, end of story.

[blottomsup]

A personality transplant might help.

[Beth143nacho]

Make me forget that he exposed himself as a company man that bilked listeners out of countless millions of dollars with the sole intent of hoarding a ton of dough and then telling me that he did it all on his own.

make me forget that, only five-ten years ago, he stood for the polar opposite of every single opinion that he "stands for" today.

make me not realize that he works three days
a week, takes twelve-fourteen weeks of vacation a year and them tells me how hard he works.

or he can just die while setting his tapes on fire while using his wife as kindling.

[Kamie]

If Beth had an affair & it became known in all the gossip mags, TMZ, etc. And if this caused a messy public divorce. Then I would start listening again.

Yes. However, I don't know if new Howard would really address it, other than to say that he will not comment on the gossip.

[itpdude]

I still listen though not very intently or consistently. To be fair, I was never an every-minute-listener.

All that said, I think someone sitting in the Jackie chair more often, perhaps a rolling stock of funnymen in the chair, is a good start. Get Fred more involved? Other than tweaking Fred, he's never been very funny. He hits his drops and that's about it. Always has been that way which explains why Jackie wanted head-writer credit.

Benjy is a waste. He isn't consistently funny. Evidence: The Andy Dick roast. The guy has no filter and no sense of whether he is funny or obscure.

And can the AGT talk.

[platini]

i don't know man i hadnt listened for a year and i downloaded all the best of 2012 this week. i laughed my as off. howard still got it and i will start listening everyday now

[BrulesRules]

if they found another old Gary Apology tape and brought back Stuttering Jon and Jackie to rip on the monkey.

[MutteringJohn]

1: Fire Benjy
2: Fire Benjy
3: Fire Benjy
4: Fire Benjy

[Mr Fantastic]

i don't know man i hadnt listened for a year and i downloaded all the best of 2012 this week. i laughed my as off. howard still got it and i will start listening everyday now

[platini]

1: Fire Benjy
2: Fire Benjy
3: Fire Benjy
4: Fire Benjy

fuck that, benjy is funny as hell

[platini]

techno viking loves benjy

[itpdude]

if they found another old Gary Apology tape and brought back Stuttering Jon and Jackie to rip on the monkey.

Never thought the apology tape or SJ were fun or funny. Stupid.

Jackie was pretty great.

[Quietus]

I listened to about two minutes today. He's so over the radio show. No excitement. It was painful to listen to him bringing up topics that are two weeks old already. The Django Unchained n-word topic...ponderous man.

[Lemmy]

There is nothing Howard can do. It's over and I have no desire to ever listen to him again.