What is a funny Thanksgiving Memory?

[Rolling Pin]

So is mine
In retrospect

Holidays just ain't the same without Moms.

Most people don't know, don't show, or just don't care about folks in the hood who don't got Moms.

[flathead]

We moved from the suburbs to out in the country in 1973 (ala Green Acres) My mother got the brillant idea to raise a turkey along with some ill-fated chickens to serve up for Thanksgiving. Now keep in mind that I am a dumb white boy recently plucked from the comfort of my suburban home and know nothing of raising & slaughtering livestock. We manage to keep the poor thing alive until Thanksgiving came around and it was time dispatch the poor bird. Up until this time we didn't have much of a reason to grab the turkey so my brother & I enter the pen clueless as to how to get a hold of this bird. Needless to say, the bird was have nothing to do with this shit and flailed around the pen foiling any chance of grabbing it. After several minutes the turkey and all the chickens are completely terrorized. Finally the turkey is subdued with a flying tackle that would have made a linebacker proud. I drag the bird out of the pen and stretch it's neck over a log so my brother can lop his head off with a double headed ax. Well, you guess it. He missed. He only managed to cut the neck halfway. Blood went spraying all over me, I let go of the turkey who starts running around the yard with it's head dangling off to the side and blood squirting out it's neck. Then we tried to pluck the poor beast. That's a story for another time.

[1Vegasgirl]

We moved from the suburbs to out in the country in 1973 (ala Green Acres) My mother got the brillant idea to raise a turkey along with some ill-fated chickens to serve up for Thanksgiving. Now keep in mind that I am a dumb white boy recently plucked from the comfort of my suburban home and know nothing of raising & slaughtering livestock. We manage to keep the poor thing alive until Thanksgiving came around and it was time dispatch the poor bird. Up until this time we didn't have much of a reason to grab the turkey so my brother & I enter the pen clueless as to how to get a hold of this bird. Needless to say, the bird was have nothing to do with this shit and flailed around the pen foiling any chance of grabbing it. After several minutes the turkey and all the chickens are completely terrorized. Finally the turkey is subdued with a flying tackle that would have made a linebacker proud. I drag the bird out of the pen and stretch it's neck over a log so my brother can lop his head off with a double headed ax. Well, you guess it. He missed. He only managed to cut the neck halfway. Blood went spraying all over me, I let go of the turkey who starts running around the yard with it's head dangling off to the side and blood squirting out it's neck. Then we tried to pluck the poor beast. That's a story for another time.

Gross - just lost my appetite.

Good morning.

[flathead]

Gross - just lost my appetite.

Good morning.

It was surreal while it was happening. Needless to say I had a rough transition from suburban teen to country boy.

[HaroldJackson]

Flathead wins.

[Lemmy]

Lemmy's mom does seem like a huge cunt tho.

You will get no argument from me.

Flathead FTW thus far.

[AmishGirl]

We moved from the suburbs to out in the country in 1973 (ala Green Acres) My mother got the brillant idea to raise a turkey along with some ill-fated chickens to serve up for Thanksgiving. Now keep in mind that I am a dumb white boy recently plucked from the comfort of my suburban home and know nothing of raising & slaughtering livestock. We manage to keep the poor thing alive until Thanksgiving came around and it was time dispatch the poor bird. Up until this time we didn't have much of a reason to grab the turkey so my brother & I enter the pen clueless as to how to get a hold of this bird. Needless to say, the bird was have nothing to do with this shit and flailed around the pen foiling any chance of grabbing it. After several minutes the turkey and all the chickens are completely terrorized. Finally the turkey is subdued with a flying tackle that would have made a linebacker proud. I drag the bird out of the pen and stretch it's neck over a log so my brother can lop his head off with a double headed ax. Well, you guess it. He missed. He only managed to cut the neck halfway. Blood went spraying all over me, I let go of the turkey who starts running around the yard with it's head dangling off to the side and blood squirting out it's neck. Then we tried to pluck the poor beast. That's a story for another time.

:faint_icon:

Just goes to show my theory - you CANNOT move into small towns. You've got to be born into them, or it just doesn't work.

[Lemmy]

:faint_icon:

Just goes to show my theory - you CANNOT move into small towns. You've got to be born into them, or it just doesn't work.

Not always IMO. I was born in the city and embrace my current small town hillbilly status. I've adjusted fine.

[PI Nate]

Maybe not the funny you are looking for or funny at all to normal people but......

Working Thanksgiving about 12 years ago i got a call for a guy that stabbed his son because the son took the last drumstick. Fucked him up pretty good. The wife/mother was pissed because we were assholes arresting the man on Thanksgiving. Good times, good times......

I have no funny stories from my own family Thanksgivings. My mom would somehow belittle and/or yell at someone (usually me).

that must occur in every "urban area" in the country. I responded to one where it was bro on bro. the carving knife was still stuck in wils chest when we arrived on the scene. the best part was, a few of the family members were still eating in another room...



and a local restaurant would provide dinner for the watch in the rollcall room...

[Lemmy]

I'm sure it (and worse) happens all over. Had a guy that shot himself in the head on Christmas morning a few years ago and when we showed up the family is in the living room fighting over who gets the dead guy's gifts. We arrested 5 or 6 dickheads from the house on warrants just to calm things down.

It's amazing how much different the somewhat normal life I, and most people, lead vs. what goes on in the ghetto. That took some adjusting to when I was "new". Mrs. Lemmy went on a ride along a while ago and the look of constant horror on her face was priceless......her sheltered suburban reality was shattered.

[PI Nate]

I'm sure it (and worse) happens all over. Had a guy that shot himself in the head on Christmas morning a few years ago and when we showed up the family is in the living room fighting over who gets the dead guy's gifts. We arrested 5 or 6 dickheads from the house on warrants just to calm things down.

It's amazing how much different the somewhat normal life I, and most people, lead vs. what goes on in the ghetto. That took some adjusting to when I was "new". Mrs. Lemmy went on a ride along a while ago and the look of constant horror on her face was priceless......her sheltered suburban reality was shattered.

I was lucky, last ex-mrs PI Nate was on the job, so the jungle was old hat to her. And mami is/was a paramedic in the ghetto, so again, nothin' new. Be safe bro, people at home are waiting and no scumbag is worth your pension...

[Mr. Potato Head]

I'm trying to think of a funny Thanksgiving memory and coming up empty.

Because Thanksgiving sucks! A bunch of fatass people finding an excuse to stuff their fat fucking faces with even more shit food than they usually do. It's OK! They can laugh about what a disgusting piece of shit they are on Thanksgiving! That's what you're supposed to do!

[Lemmy]

I was lucky, last ex-mrs PI Nate was on the job, so the jungle was old hat to her. And mami is/was a paramedic in the ghetto, so again, nothin' new. Be safe bro, people at home are waiting and no scumbag is worth your pension...

I kinda like my wife being sheltered from it. Since her ride along she just nods and smirks if she asks about my day and I go on a rant.

Thank ya' sir. My priorities are in order.......I've been at this for 17 years.

[Lemmy]

Because Thanksgiving sucks! A bunch of fatass people finding an excuse to stuff their fat fucking faces with even more shit food than they usually do. It's OK! They can laugh about what a disgusting piece of shit they are on Thanksgiving! That's what you're supposed to do!

So tell us what you really think.

[Mr. Potato Head]

So tell us what you really think.

Sorry. Just had to get that out.

[idiotbox]

Mom and dad getting sauced up and taking out their problems on my sis and me. Oh the hilarity.

[EOMS]

1973: My brothers and all my cousins are in the front yard with a nerf football. We're told to have fun before our dinner. After playing standard football for a while, my older brother decides its time to ramp up the excitement and play "smear the queer". He kicks it high up in the air and we all wait on who gets it. Naturally, I grab it and off I go. You should have seen me move. Dodging cousin Mike here, juking cousin Beth Ann there and then looking up I see my older brother is between me and appointed free zone. This is the moment of truth. Its either him or me. I try to zig zag around him but he launches his fat ass with a particular look on his face and drives my tender clavicle upon a tree stump. CRACK goes my collarbone. My cousins said it sounded like a branch. I'm crying, my cousins are horrified and my brother is trying to cover his guilt by calling me a pussy and telling me to "walk it off". Eventually my parents and uncles wander outside due to the commotion and realize that I'm damaged goods. They begin to argue on what to do. I'm panicking because my arm is killing me. They decide they need to take me to the ER. My dad and uncle Donny are driving me over to the hospital. I must have been pathetic and my dad told uncle Donny to calm me down. He turns to me and says that "You sure are lucky". I'm stumped and temporarily stop crying to comprehend what this hick is about to say. He say's "Think of all the pretty nurses you're going to see". Suddenly I realize that I come from very poor stock.

Happy Thanksgiving.

[AmishGirl]

because thanksgiving sucks! A bunch of fatass people finding an excuse to stuff their fat fucking faces with even more shit food than they usually do. It's ok! They can laugh about what a disgusting piece of shit they are on thanksgiving! That's what you're supposed to do!

truth