Howard to Kimmel "you are my only friend"

[Thelma]

It's a wonder that Letterman never gets word of Howard's extremely low blows. Howard just comes across so phony when he goes on Letterman proclaiming his devotion to em saying "Im a Letterman guy" whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean.

Yes, Howard is very passive-aggressive with Letterman including his use of Evil Dave. And I couldn't believe it when I came across this news item on IMDb from March 2002:

Howard Stern to replace David Letterman?

"Rumors quickly spread Wednesday that if CBS loses David Letterman, the network will replace him with radio shock jock Howard Stern. Internet gossip Matt Drudge claimed that Stern's agent, Don Buchwald, had been on the phone 'nearly non-stop' with the network."

- Howard has also wanted Letterman's job for the past 10 years.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001769/news?year=2002

[CAPTAIN KIRK]

That ugly cocksucker ain't getting no nightly show. He's fucking hideous

[Herc]

Beth will be Howard's new Ed Mcmahon. Wouldn't that be a daily source of amusement alone . . .

[Herc]

Beth O tried to bless Howard's Hampton's Estate. Howard's Hampton's Estate didn't like that (22 second mark to 45 second mark) . . .

[Snotty]

That ugly cocksucker ain't getting no nightly show. He's fucking hideous

Hamptons trifecta of shitting the bed, AGT, Sandy, The Kimmel Show...............He's done............

[jrstinkfish]

They both are too needy...

And just plain weird. I used to think Howard was cool kind of weird, but since he hooked up with his modoe, he's become that uncomfortable kind of weird, with her oddness amping things up a lot. All the cosmetic procedures between them also makes them an odd sight, which doesn't help.

[Greekfreak]

The reasons Howard lacks real friendships are plentiful and obvious, but I find it ironic that the type people he gets along with best and who would actually be good friends to him he wants nothing to do with socially. They're no longer "of his class".

Howard doesn't HAVE friends. He has EMPLOYEES. Everybody takes a piece of the Pelican. Ralph, his trainer (who should have been fired years ago), his plastic surgeon (see trainer), his shrink (see plastic surgeon), Ralph, Beffoe, Ronnie, Booey, the cancerous gunt... they're all owned by captain Stork.

Jimmy wouldn't have them there because his fiancee has rightly said "they don't belong there for a myriad of reasons."
a) they're horrible people
b) they're boring as shit
c) they're not family
d) they're starfuckers of the highest order

Jimmy Kimmel runs a tight ship and is loaded with class that comes from working your ass off and being earnest.